Take Back Your Beaver: Put down those razors and step into a world of saccharine-sweet pastels, Pepto-Bismol pink glitter and oversized black merkins. At first glance ‘Take Back Your Beaver’ presents as a mishmash of dating-gone-wrong and public humiliation due to a loathsome quantity of pubic hair. But in actuality, it’s one woman’s attempt to incite the beaver revolution or just be in her body however she chooses to be. Boasting a catchy tune, a Gidget-style beach scene, 60s chorus girls, a 70s beauty pageant, 80s jazzercise and a little bit of the now, ‘Take Back Your Beaver’ begs us to rethink the hair down there and have a ball while doing so.
“Take Back Your Beaver” is about trying to own my pubes in an era of hairlessness. When I was a teenager my sister was horrified by my lack of shaving and made up a little rap for me. “My sister’s got a big brown beaver. She needs to learn to keep it cleaner!” Flash forward to Mexico City in my early 20s whereupon I was rejected on a date for having a beaver. What resulted was a very awkward conversation with my pants around my ankles.
And so it seems these fury creatures have become an endangered species. My very young 20 year old cousin has never actually seen or interacted with a beaver despite having had a handful of partners. To him, beavers are like Bigfoot, or let’s just say he’s just more likely to stumble upon a unicorn than a beaver.
So I wrote a song about all this, urging folks of all stripes to take back their beavers! Now I’m not saying you have to grow a big ole beaver. No … I just wanna broaden the definition of what is deemed beautiful down there … and in general. Let’s just be in our bodies however we choose to be and want to be.
Take Back Your Beaver” has been a huge hit at my live cabaret shows and many of my fans come up afterwards to discuss the conflict they feel around the state of their pubes. “Do I get rid of them? And who am I doing this for in the first place?” I myself have vacillated from shame around my beaver to traitorous thoughts when I’ve shorn it off. So I suppose “Take Back Your Beaver” has been a bit cathartic for me. I’m just trying to befriend my little beaver and I hope others can do the same.
Take Back Your Beaver
My sister says I gotta get rid of this thing … she’s
Rolling up in her bikini now, gonna steal me for a swim
What’s wrong with you? They’re gonna run from you!
You just don’t stand a chance
I won’t be seen with the likes of you and the monster in your pants
I’m not some hairless wonder
I’m not a little girl
Take back your beaver
Don’t ever leave her
Stand by your beaver
Cause tomorrow belongs to her
I’m seeing someone new, god help me, what should I do?
I fluctuate, I ro-sham-bo, gonna try me something new
With urban sprawl, au natural, it’s on, I’m feeling free
We only get so far, says he just can’t hang
Or see the forest for the trees
I’m not some hairless wonder
I’m not a little girl
Take back your beaver
Don’t ever leave her
Stand by your beaver
Cause tomorrow belongs to her
My beaver’s out to China, France and Italy
It’s reaching for the heavens, gonna cross the seven seas
It’s bushy, wooly, curly and did I mention big?
My beaver’s out to China, it’s not a landing strip.
Take back your beaver
Don’t ever leave her
Stand by your beaver
Cause tomorrow belongs to her
